Back From Vacation

Today's Weigh-In: 254 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.2
Weight Loss So Far: 22.8 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.2 lbs.

Back from vacation and down to 254, not bad! That's a loss of 1.5 lbs. from what I weighed when I went away last weekend, so I'm happy. I ate well and did lots of walking, and had the willpower to pass up a LOT of opportunities to eat poorly, so I'm pretty proud of myself. I wasn't anywhere near a scale so I'm not sure what my five-day average is, so I just calculated with today's weight and where I left off -- it's probably fairly accurate. I'm still definitely on target for my first goal, so this is great!

A Fresh Monday

Today's Weigh-In: 255.5 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.6
Weight Loss So Far: 22.4 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.6 lbs.

I'll be on vacation for the next week, but don't worry, I'll be eating very well and exercising -- hopefully when I check back in this time next week I will be down a couple more pounds!

Rainy Sunday

Today's Weigh-In: 255 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.7
Weight Loss So Far: 22.3 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.7 lbs.

Well, I had hoped to go for another long walk today (I walked for a couple hours yesterday, so probably 6-7 miles), but it's pouring rain out and I just don't feel like braving the elements. But I'm feeling good, eating really really well, and I think that in just a couple of weeks I should be out of the 250's.

So far, since the end of March, I've dropped a little over 22 pounds. I've noticed the weight loss, especially as far as the way my clothes fit me, but in the mirror I don't see a whole lot of difference, and so far no one has commented to me that I look like I have lost some weight. Maybe people are just hesitant to say something like that, because it implies that I am/was fat(ter). Who knows. I think that another 10 pounds or so of weight loss and it will be pretty obvious that I've dropped some - it will be a 30+ pound weight loss from my high of 278 at the end of March.

Saturday Walk

Today's Weigh-In: 255.5 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.8
Weight Loss So Far: 22.2 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.8 lbs.

Off for a nice, long walk!

No Change

Today's Weigh-In: 256 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.8
Weight Loss So Far: 22.2 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.8 lbs.

Been staying at 256 for the better part of the week -- I suppose my body evened out a bit after the fairly large weight loss of the previous week. I'm gonna try to kick a little more butt on the exercise front this weekend and see if I can nudge the numbers downward slightly. Eating has been going well, and my outlook is as positive as ever, so I'm not worried about it too much. I just need to get in the groove where I'm dropping 1.5 pounds or so week in and week out.

My first big target-weight goal is 245 lbs., on October 4th. That's nearly 7 weeks away, and I'm 11 pounds off, so I'm looking at a very realistic and achievable 1.57-lb-a-week weight loss to reach it. I know I can do it.

It Was Bound to Happen

Today's Weigh-In: 256 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.4
Weight Loss So Far: 22.6 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.4 lbs.

Well, I gave into a craving tonight - I went to McDonald's (which I actually haven't done in almost a year, since I stopped eating meat) and I got myself a large French fries and a small drink (which I filled twice with Coke). For some reason I just really wanted fries today, and I've been eating super well all week, so I don't think it really killed me. Afterwards I ended up walking about 2-3 miles or so. I can't beat myself up when these things happen, as they are bound to do from time to time, I just have to make sure to really limit them to once a week at most, and then try to counter it with exercise. I'm not a robot, and I want to enjoy life, but I really want to get fit and that needs to be my main priority. In the past when I've done something like this, I've gone WAY overboard in the same day, figuring, like, "Oh I had this bad food, I might as well go all out and call it a 'cheat day' and have some pizza and candy and cookies too." But no more - I had my little treat, and now it's back to healthy stuff.

Holding Steady

Today's Weigh-In: 256 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 255.8
Weight Loss So Far: 22.2 lbs.
Still To Go: 56.8 lbs.

Not Bad

Today's Weigh-In: 255.5 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 256.4
Weight Loss So Far: 21.6 lbs.
Still To Go: 57.4 lbs.

I've leveled out a bit, 255.5 for the second day in a row and up a little from a weigh-in over the weekend. Still, I'm down around 5 pounds from last week, which is a lot, and not something I can (or should) keep up, but I'll take it. I have been eating normally and getting a good amount of exercise, so, I'm not doing anything drastic. I suspect that I'll get into the 1-2 lb. weight loss per week thing after too long, this is probably that first-week "shock to the system" thing. Also, one thing that works in my favor is that I used to lift weights a lot and I have a pretty sturdy foundation of muscle under my flab, so i think that when I get into a normal calorie-intake zone, I tend to burn a lot of weight off - maybe that's why in the past when I have been more disciplined with diet and getting a decent amount of cardio exercise in every day I have dropped weight fast. Still, I don't want to lose muscle mass along with weight as I go forward here, so I'm going to try to incorporate at least some resistance training to my regimen, even if it's just pushups and squats or something (and at 256.4 pounds, pushing myself up 30-40 times is a pretty decent workout). I would join a gym, but I am moving soon and don't want to commit to a specific place until I am settled into my new town.

Another Monday

Today's Weigh-In: 255.5 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 257.3
Weight Loss So Far: 20.7 lbs.
Still To Go: 58.3 lbs.

Another monday and I'm heading to work, but just wanted to record my numbers, which are moving downward at a very nice pace. Had a great, refreshing, recharging weekend, and I'm feeling better than ever as far as my motivation and dedication to weight loss is concerned. It was an easy week of getting back into the swing of eating well and taking care of myself, so I can definitely see this continuing far into the future. I don't anticipate having any slip-ups foodwise, I just don't have those cravings or desires at the moment, but I'm sure it will happen eventually, and when it does I won't beat myself up. I won't be deterred or defeated in this quest!

Whoa Nelly

Today's Weigh-In: 254 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 258.4
Weight Loss So Far: 19.6 lbs.
Still To Go: 59.4 lbs.

This is pretty scary -- the scale says 254 lbs. today. Last Sunday I weighed in at 262 lbs. So that would seem like an 8-pound drop. However, it's possible that with that daily 2-4 lb. fluctuation thing I was on the "top end" of the 258-262 range last week, and at the "bottom end" of the 254-258 range today, and tomorrow I could very well weigh in at 257-258. Still, it's nice to see the smaller numbers, even if it is probably water weight or whatever. I'm eating normally, exercising normally, etc. Perhaps it's not good to weigh and track myself daily, and not get caught up in the small fluctuations, and just weigh myself weekly. I dunno. I like the daily ritual, however, as far as for discipline and just mentally keeping me on track.

Out of the 260's!

Today's Weigh-In: 258 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 259.6
Weight Loss So Far: 18.4 lbs.
Still To Go: 60.6 lbs.

Just dropping in here real quick to record today's numbers, as I decided to take the weekend to nourish my brain as well as my body by staying off the computer and not watching TV (I probably do too much of both). I've been catching up on some reading and listening to public radio all day, both of which have been great, and something I need to do a lot more of.

I've noticed that since midweek I have gone from a scale weight of 261 to 258. I've been eating pretty well and the in right portions (getting somewhere around 2,300 calories per day) and walking some (and the city I live in is very hilly), but nothing too dramatic. I'm sure it's mostly physiological, probably a loss of water weight or something, but I was thinking back to two times in my life when I got really serious about losing weight and dropped somewhere around 25-30 pounds each time. The weight came off really fast both times, I would say I lost all of that weight over no more than two months, without starving myself or doing any real heavy duty exercise. So I wonder if the brain has anything to do with the actual physical weight loss process, when you become that dedicated to it? Perhaps releasing some kind of enzymes or hormones or something that help the process along? I'm sure the science says it's all about the numbers (calories in vs. burned), but does the mental outlook have any effect on it beyond just keeping you on the right track as to what you need to do to lose weight?

Friday, Finally

Today's Weigh-In: 259 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 260.3
Weight Loss So Far: 17.7 lbs.
Still To Go: 61.3 lbs.

Work Is No Excuse

Today's Weigh-In: 260 lbs.
Five-Day Average: 260.9
Weight Loss So Far: 17.1 lbs.
Still To Go: 61.9 lbs.

I've been working a lot this week, and often in the past when I get busy and stressed I just eat what I want, rationalizing it somehow. But no more. I've been up into the wee hours, but I still have been eating well and watching my portions. So I feel like I'm on the right track. Got my five-day weight loss going now, to give me a more accurate sense of where I'm at. Onward!!

Fluctuations

Today's Weigh-In: 261 lbs.
Weight Loss So Far: 17 lbs.
Still To Go: 62 lbs.

Well, as expected my weight has been fluctuating between 260-262 lbs. the past couple days. I'll have the five-day average to refer to soon, so I can see my *real* progress. Was up all night working and so I slept most of the day, and I did have a small meal at around 3 in the morning which I normally don't like to do, but I kept it nutritious (fat-free refried beans, cheese, and lettuce rolled up in whole wheat tortillas) and I haven't eaten much today since I was sleeping. One thing I actually need to watch out for when I'm all motivated to lose weight is to make sure I am getting enough calories. I always need to remember that in order to maintain lean muscle and keep my energy up, I need to be getting between 2,000-2,300 calories a day, and sometimes I find I'm being so careful and strict with myself that I'm only getting around 1,500 or 1,600. But I figure, a couple pieces of fruit or a solid plate of raw vegetables with some low-fat dressing, or maybe some peanut butter on whole-grain bread here or there throughout the day should keep me at a good calorie level. It's so true that you have to eat more than you think you should--but eat smart and time it well throughout the day--in order to lose weight without feeling deprived. Starvation never works -- I tried that once years ago and lost weight (of course I lost muscle and not just fat) and when I went back to eating "normally" I put it back on. I guess the trick is to find a way of eating that you can live with your whole life, not just temporarily while you are "getting fit" and then the chances of keeping it off long-term are very high.

No Meat

Today's Weigh-In: 260 lbs.
Weight Loss So Far: 18 lbs.
Still To Go: 61 lbs.

So, about the vegetarian thing. I stopped eating meat close to a year ago. As an animal lover It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and I also did it for fitness reasons -- even though there are plenty of fattening foods for you that aren't meat (pizza, candy, chips, etc.) and I eat more of that stuff than I should, I thought it would be a good idea to remove the possibility of fast food burgers and that kind of thing that always seemed to sink my attempts at losing weight. But the biggest reason I became a vegetarian was as a test, a challenge. I just wanted to see if I could do it, as I've always been a person who has given into cravings and always rationalized or made excuses, and I wanted to test myself. And except for two times over the past year, both of them involving meat-based broth in soups, I've succeeded and that has meant a lot to me. It's one of the reasons that I feel I can really achieve my weight loss goals -- now I see that I CAN make a firm decision and stick to it no matter what. At this point I don't miss meat, don't crave it at all, and being a vegetarian is just a habit. I think my march toward fitness will become a similar habit.

Monday Monday

Today's Weigh-In: 261.5 lbs.
Weight Loss So Far: 16.5 lbs.
Still To Go: 62.5 lbs.

I'm feeling really, really positive today, like these fitness goals I've established for myself are totally reachable, and that it's something I desire a lot more than putting bad food in my body. I went for a really good walk yesterday evening, then came home and had a good, vegetable-packed meal. I didn't sleep as well as I would have liked, but I'm still feeling good today and plan to walk again for a couple miles later after work. I'm really realizing that half the battle is just visualizing where you want to be after all the hard work, as hard as that can be sometimes, and then just making the right decisions in line with that. When it comes all the way down to it, I'm in 100% total control of what food and how much I put into my body, and every time I eat it's a conscious decision. All I have to do is ALWAYS keep in mind my ultimate goal every single time I go to eat ANYTHING, and I should be okay. And as long as I supplement that with a decent amount of daily exercise, even if it's a half hour of brisk walking, then there is simply no reason why I shouldn't lose the weight. I know I can do this!

Getting Started (Again)

Today's Weigh-In: 262 lbs.
Weight Loss So Far: 16 lbs.
Still To Go: 63 lbs.

Well, I know from reading Billy's Lean Body Quest blog that weight can fluctuate 2-4 pounds from day to day, so I'm not overly bummed about going up from 261 to 262 today. When I first started dropping weight at the end of March I kept a daily spreadsheet and had the five-day average and all of that, but as I mentioned in my last post, I started slacking at the beginning of June and didn't enter my daily weight. I had also been keeping track of my daily caloric intake over at FitDay.com quite diligently, but stopped doing that. Today I'm starting both of those up again, and by the end of this week I'll have a five-day weight average to post, so that I can more accurately track my progress.

THANK YOU so much to Billy, Sharon, Aim, and David for your nice comments and words of encouragement, and to anyone else who takes the time to read this. It means the world to me to have this kind of support, and I know it will help me in the days, weeks, and months ahead as I travel toward my goal of fitness.

One of the things that's really struck me -- something Billy's talked about and others as well -- is dealing with that "inner fat person." I wonder if I will ever really shake that, because to be honest I can't even imagine myself being slim and trim, it's virtually impossible to visualize. Right now, I kinda feel like I'm that guy that will still always look a *little* fat, or will always have a thick neck or a big butt or whatever no matter how much weight I lose. That's probably not rational thinking, but that's what I am up against, as I sort of explained in my first blog posting. Not that any of that will deter me from achieving my fitness goals, but I think that beyond the physical part of this, there will be a lot of psychological and emotional things to deal with along the way. I hope that I can overcome the "inner fat" and become truly happy with myself. I do think that once I start to see real, actual progress in the mirror that that will help tremendously.

I have to say, it was a huge thing for me to post those photos of myself, even without my face to stay anonymous. Just looking at them is depressing, and putting them out there for other people to see is scary, but I think it is an important first step to confronting what I REALLY, honestly look like physically. I look forward to the day when I can see photos of myself and be proud of how I look, and maybe even a little shocked.

Begin at the beginning

Hello! You can call me Mick ... it's not exactly my real name, but close enough. I'm choosing to remain pretty much anonymous -- I'm a fairly private person -- but I do want to share my journey from a flabby 261 lbs. to a leaner, fitter, and healthier body, mind, and soul.

Let me first say that I was moved to create my own weight-loss blog by Billy, whose Lean Body Quest has been incredibly successful and wholly inspiring. I discovered his blog earlier this year, and I posted a couple messages as "Anonymous" over there to tell Billy how he really got me going on my long-overdue weight-loss program. Several months ago he suggested I start my own blog and join the F.A.T. Coalition, and now I've worked up the nerve to do so (albeit still with a nickname).

After reading Billy's blog for a couple days, I was motivated to start eating better and trying to lose weight. On March 17th I weighed 278 lbs. (the heaviest I have ever been in my life) and today, a little more than four months later, I am down to 261 as of today. I had hoped to be much slimmer by now -- I got down to 259 at the beginning of June, and have stayed in that range ever since. No excuses, however, I just have slacked off the past two months, and fortunately I haven't gone back to my old habits and gained weight, I just haven't been kicking butt like I was and losing any. That stops now -- creating this blog helps me get organized, be accountable, and hopefully join the F.A.T. team, which I hope will help motivate me on those days when I can use it!

A bit about me: I am in my mid 30's, 5'11" tall. I was a skinny, very active kid, but started putting on weight in my teens and have been overweight ever since.

This is what I look like today, at 261 lbs:




Pretty gross, huh? Right now, my goal is to get under 200 lbs., and then reassess how my body looks and feels and determine if I want to get down to 190 or 180.

My father, who was overweight most of his life, had his first heart attack in his early 40s and then died of a heart attack in his early 50s. If I stay the way I am, then chances are I will have a similar fate, and quite frankly, I don't want to die.

I am very happy with myself on the inside -- I know that I am a smart, fun, creative, good person, but I have very very serious body issues that oftentimes cause me to avoid social situations and even become close to a hermit at times. I don't want to be "the fat guy," because even though *I* feel that doesn't come close to defining who I am, when people see me on the street, or when they describe me to someone else, the words "big" or "heavyset" (if they're being charitable) or "fat" (if they're being more blunt) are the words they use, or the words that *in my mind* I feel like they probably use. As a big guy, I sweat a lot, too, and that can be really embarrassing. I feel like people judge me based on my weight, which bothers me, and beyond that I just don't like what I see in the mirror, or how I feel every day, or how my clothes fit. I *hate* clothes shopping, so I basically just live in Old Navy XL t-shirts and size 40 jeans. I *hate* seeing photos of myself or even catching my reflection in a mirror -- it's been known to make me depressed for days. I WANT THESE FEELINGS TO STOP! I WANT TO BE AS HAPPY WITH THE PERSON I AM ON THE OUTSIDE AS I AM WITH THE PERSON I AM ON THE INSIDE!!

I want to have a normal life, one where I can go anywhere and do anything with confidence, holding my head high and feeling good. And so I am re-dedicating myself tonight to continue my slimdown that I started in March.

I have a lot in my favor -- I know a ton about nutrition, and I became a vegetarian at the beginning of this year (a personal decision, both for health and ethical reasons). I love every fruit and vegetable known to man, and I'm a great cook. My biggest problem, the biggest impediment to weight loss? Portions, and laziness when it comes to exercise. My immediate goal is to watch my portions, and do as much walking every day as possible.

Anyhow, this has been a much longer introduction than I had planned on writing, but I thank you if you've been reading this far, and I look forward to getting to know the F.A.T. Coalition and for this life-changing journey on which I am about to embark fully, honestly, and with total dedication.

-Mick